Be your own valentine: How to boost your self-worth in 3 steps

 

Step 1: Spend time with yourself

When you want to develop a quality relationship with someone, generally, you spend time with that person and get to know them better. You cannot consider knowing and loving someone if you never listen to them and never take time for them. This is also true with ourselves. We spend a lot of time trying to escape our thoughts, we spend hours watching reels on Insta or TikTok videos. Isn't this a reflection of a continual need for company that is then replaced by overconsumption of screens?

The first step is therefore to start spend quality time with yourself.

A very simple way to get to know yourself is towrite down your thoughts or their anxieties. This technique called journaling can be as simple as just writing down everything that comes to mind in the morning or evening, depending on what you prefer. By putting your thoughts on paper, you learn to distance yourself from them and analyze them better as well.

Other techniques include meditative walking, which consists of going for a walk while being hyper aware of the nature around us. Or even finding the time to meditate 10 to 20 minutes per day. Ideally, you need to find something that works with your current life routine, to facilitate the integration of the new habit.

Whatever technique you prefer, the essential thing is to start and now. You will see that your ideas are beautiful, that your fears are justified, that nature is beautiful and you too are part of this universe.

 

Step 2: Get to know and love your body

Our self-love is sometimes greatly dependent on our relationship with the body. We live in a society of comparison and society also dictates a model erected as a reference of beauty. Slim waist, tall, thin, slender, a developed but not too much bust, blonde with blue eyes… And today's society uses images and video to reinforce its dictates and make us feel inadequate.

But it is important to remember that being beautiful is not a matter of measurements or having baby-soft skin. Being beautiful is first and foremost to feel good in your skin and in your body.

A technique that can help is to visualize a person you love very much. Thit may be for example a sister or a friend. Then close the eyes and visualize this person in front of you. Represent you all the qualities and the beautiful things what you think of this person. Finally think about yourself and turn all these positive feelings towards yourself. Because yes, you have the right (and even the duty) to give yourself as much love as you give to your friends and loved ones.

The secret here is to do this exercise quite often, because when it comes to deep changes repetition is often the key. At first, you should do this at least once a day, for example just after your meditation.

 

Step 3: Positive affirmations and regression

One thing that feeds our lack of self-esteem is the way we talk to ourselves. The opinion we have of ourselves and reinforce every day with “you are so dumb,” “you are idiotic,” “you are good for nothing,” “you are horrible,” “you are really stupid,” “you are too ugly, you look like nothing”...

We’ve all done it one day and even several times a day, repeating negative and hostile phrases that we wouldn’t dare say to the person we hate the most.

Studies have revealed that most women judge their appearance very negatively and find it perfectly normal. These thoughts and criticisms are the worst for your self-esteem. Because the brain believes what it hears. So here are two psychology exercises you can try: 

First identify the recurring negative thoughts you often repeat to yourself. At first, just pay attention to them without judging yourself for having them “Oh, I just thought that I am stupid.” Then imagine the child, the little girl or little boy you were at 5 years old, imagine telling them these same thoughts “You are stupid.”

There you will realize that something is wrong, you will be shocked by the injustice and the baselessness of this judgment. And actually you are the same person as that little 5-year-old girl. And gradually, the shock will awaken something in you that will make you stop using these words against yourself.

Then you can try telling yourself things very positive EVERY DAY.

Sometimes it may seem childish but recently I tried a very simple exercise, we put ourselves alone in front of the mirror and we connect to ourselves with our gaze. You repeat a phrase that makes you feel good and is the opposite of negative phrases on auto repeat

For example: “You are beautiful”, “You are capable”, “You are intelligent”...

The first time we say these words or this phrase we might not necessarily believe it but we stay in front of the mirror for 5 minutes really looking into our eyes. After a while you will see that your brain will have no choice but to agree with you and a little smile will appear on your face. Because in reality you are beautiful, you are intelligent and you are capable.

In general, take the time to write yourself sweet words on post-its in your office or on a phone alarm because words are incredibly powerful

 

To go further on the subject, I suggest a few podcasts to listen to on the topic:

• Intentions by Isadora and Marisa 
• Change my life: tools for the mind by Clotilde Dusoulier 
• Happiness suits me so well by Audrey

 

On your side, are there any techniques you have tried that are effective for loving and accepting yourself? Tell us in the comments ;)

And above all, never forget: you are capable of incredible things, you are beautiful, you are enough, you are worthy of being loved, you are worthy of achieving your dreams and that every day.

 

From Olie Neela to you with a lot of love xx